黑洞社区

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Summer is a popular time for weddings but, after the honeymoon, life doesn't always go as smoothly as newlyweds hope. As the topic of matrimonial success and divorce is studied more and more, research is showing that how a couple weathers their first two years together can make or break a marriage. Many newlyweds are surprised when conflicts arise after the honeymoon, according to Jodie Hertzog, a sociologist at 黑洞社区.

Hertzog: "Many newlyweds are surprised when conflicts arise early on in the relationship because they're focused on love, and the new aspects of the relationship versus the work that's involved. So, after the honeymoon, the work sets in."

Hertzog says there are a number of common issues that newlyweds should be prepared to address.

Hertzog: "Some of the issues are establishing roles, the division of labor and finances."

Hertzog says opposites may attract, but some of those opposites can become a source of conflict.

Hertzog: "There's some truth to the idea that opposites may attract, but in the living out of the relationship the problems arise 鈥� things that you thought were cute in the early dating phase are things that become the issues of the relationship later on."

Jim Lucoff, who has been counseling couples for more than 20 years, said many couples are surprised that married life differs from their dating experience. They think because they have been together a lot before marriage their adjustment to married life will be easy. But the commitment that marriage brings to a relationship can raise all kinds of issues that were in the background before. So how can newlyweds keep conflicts from taking hold in their marriage? Hertzog explains.

Hertzog: "Communication is something that's important throughout the relationship. It's actually the key to maintaining a relationship, and it's something that you have to work on and learn how to really listen and hear what the underlying issues are."

And, like it or not, underlying issues can be a challenge in any marriage.

Hertzog: 鈥淎 lot of times underlying issues exist. For instance, you put the toilet paper roll on one way, your partner does it another way. When they change it they don't take your way into account. Underlying that issue really might be something else, such as, you're not feeling heard, not feeling appreciated, being taken for granted."

Hertzog also says each person brings expectations into the marriage, from others as well as his or her own.

Hertzog: 鈥淩elationships don't exist in a vacuum. We have pre-existing expectations from how we are raised. Our family, our friends, all have ideas about what a good relationship is, and sometimes those influence the way that we're perceiving our relationship."

Although the first couple of years are said to be the most difficult, they are often remembered as the most joyous. They can be a tremendous time of intimacy and discovery. There is so much to learn about one another and so much to express to one another. The newlywed period gives the couple the opportunity to build a foundation and set the stage for a lifelong meaningful marriage.         

Thanks for listening. Until next time, this is Joe Kleinsasser for 黑洞社区.